WHAT TO DO WITH MY LOTTERY WINNINGS?

I’m afraid this week’s Lotto Max jackpot is mine.  I know you think it’s yours.  But the sad truth for YOU is, it’s mine.  Want to know how I know it’s mine?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  I know it’s mine because I have quite a complex system for choosing the winning numbers and being the benevolent self sacrificing individual I am, I’m prepared to let you know what that system is, due to the fact that once I win, I couldn’t care less who wins after me.  So, this is my scientific and highly mathematical method for winning my gigantenormungous pot: I think of my 7 luckiest numbers, and then I just buy a quick pick.  I do this to make the lottery gods think that I’m going to go with my stinking lousy numbers, to throw them off, and then when they’re distracted, get the REAL winning numbers chosen randomly for me by a computer. Yes, yes, quite ingenious, I know.  My father played the lotteries for decades, and he used to spend hours at the kitchen table studying numbers, making a note of ones that hadn’t shown up for weeks or months, and then cleverly employing a theory used by the ancient Peloponnesians, the ‘infrequent ball dropping law’ he would fill out his lotto 649 form with nothing but those long lost numbers.  And this wickedly intelligent scheme netted him roughly 50 bucks.  And that’s why I have developed my own system, which will pay off big for me, as I mentioned earlier, this Friday.  Now, just so you know that I will not selfishly cling to my windfall, I thought I would outline what I’ll be doing with my lucre.  First, I’m going to buy Greece, because I like sheep, and I’ll need a vacation home in the sun. Plus, I feel this is a charitable act because they really need the money, and buying all the Greek Islands will still leave me with, I figure roughly 45 mil.  Hey, I can probably pick up Hungary in a BOGO sale.  Next, I’m going to buy that BP guy that’s been the face of the disaster, a new face.  He’s probably a decent chap, but every time you see him he looks like he’s being kept from a crucial appointment to purchase a new polo pony.  He needs to at least LOOK like he cares, and has empathy, so I’m going to buy him Kermit the Frog’s face.  He might be saying that the Gulf of Mexico will probably be dead for the next 30 years, but he’ll look like a cute, slightly sad green Muppet.  Come on! Who can resist that?

Let’s see, who else can I help?…oh, gee, I’ve run out of space.  What a shame.  I’ll just have to keep the rest. 

For more fun with Linda check her out at www.doublexposureradio.com

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