Mind the Elk

 

For those in North America who live in areas where elk live, that time has come again; Elk Mating Season. These are big animals! There are basic rules to keep you safe around elk at this time of year. Follow these and you will avoid injury or worse.

Rule Number One; know the difference between male and female elk. The males, the ones with the antlers are called bulls. Females are called cows. They are not called “Butch Elk”. If a female elk overhears you calling them “Butch Elk”, they will butt you very hard from behind and it will be painful…unless you like that sort of thing.

Rule Number Two; if you come across a bull elk rubbing its antlers against a tree, do not laugh! After all, if someone came across you in the woods, rubbing your protrusions against a tree, you would not enjoy hearing laughter.

Rule Number Three; never come between a male and a female elk while they are mating, or else there will be both bad news and good news. The bad news is that you will be either killed or impregnated. The good news is that the YouTube video of it will definitely go viral!

So, pay attention to these basic guidelines and you’ll be safe around elk.

By the way, if, as I mentioned in Rule Number Three, you do become impregnated, don’t panic! The antlers on your strange-looking elk/human child won’t even start growing until they’re around a year old, giving you time to get breastfeeding out of the way without antlers in your face.

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