Today in Hystery January 15th

   On this day in 1535, King Henry the 8th declared himself head of the English Church. This was the church he started because the Catholic Church wouldn’t let him get divorced. I’m sure he enjoyed his job as head holy man. Knowing Henry, he probably attended Sunday services because they were great places to pick up chicks.

   On this day in 1582, Russia ceded Livonia & Estonia to Poland, but lost access to the Baltic. However, even if they couldn’t get Baltic, they could always buy some hotels and put them on Park Place. It would have been fun to see what happened when the Polish landed on that property.

   On this day in 1861, the Steam Elevator was patented by Mr. Elevator himself, Elisha Otis. It certainly got people up and down in buildings, but there wasn’t much room in the elevator, what with the operator and the guy shoveling coal into the firebox.

   On this day in 1870, the donkey was first used as the symbol of the U.S. Democratic Party. Where did this wacky idea come from? Were they all drunk one night when somebody yelled, “Our party should be represented by an ass?”

   On this day in 1919, 2 million gallons of molasses flooded Boston, Massachusetts drowning 21 people.  A tragedy, yes, but here’s a simple question; if someone is yelling that there’s a molasses flood coming, don’t you have a long time to get out of the way?

   On this day in 1975, the Space Mountain ride opened at Disneyland. Thousands of people lined up for hours on end just to get on the ride and discover what projectile vomit looked like.

   On this day in 1992, a cleaning woman found intimate photos of Sarah Ferguson. You’ll remember those photos, no doubt; an American man, lying beside a swimming pool, sucking on the toes of the Duchess of York. Americans looked at the photos and said, “So what?” English people looked at the photos and said, “Toes, what?”

   Speaking of royalty…On this day in 1994, Queen Elizabeth fell off her horse and broke her left wrist. Believe it or not, this is the worst injury a queen can suffer; that’s why the queen was out of action for a long time…she couldn’t wave.

   If your birthday is January 15th, you share it with the King of Saudi Arabia, Abd al-Aziz ibn Abd al-Rahman al-Faisal al-Saud, who was born on this day in 1902. I know it’s a tough name to say but to his friends he was just known as ‘Bob’.

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