Today in Hystery April 25th

On this day in 1185, one of Japan’s most famous sea battles took place at Dan-no-ura.  Minamoto Yoritomo beat the Taira-family. That seems a little unfair doesn’t it? Yorimoto firing off his big guns against the Taira family and grandma and the kids throwing rocks back at them.

On this day in 1507, a really clever geographer named Martin Waldseemuller became the first to use the word ‘America’ on a map. You see, all the explorers kept saying they’d discovered India and that’s why they called the natives Indians, but old smarty-pants Martin looked at his map and said, “Hey, guys! There’s already an India, we need another name for this new continent, I think I’ll call it “Waldseemullerland”, no, wait, that’s too self-serving, okay, how about ‘America’?” And the rest is hystery.

On this day in 1660, the English Parliament met and voted to restore King Charles the Second as head of the country. You see, Oliver Cromwell had come along earlier and had removed the monarchy from England and made himself Lord Protector. In the end, the English people said they wanted a monarchy back with people they understood; people who were in-breeders with pretentious family names, people who never actually worked a day of their life and got the tax payers to support their massive lands and castles, their infidelities and decadent lifestyles, monarchs who were both Kings and queens at the same time. And they’re still around today.

On this day in 1719, Daniel Defoe published his famous story, “Robinson Crusoe”, all about a guy who ends up on an island and has to fight for his life and then gets voted off the island.

On this day in 1993, Russia elected Boris Yeltsin as their absolute leader and he was never without his Absolut from that day forward.

On this day in 2007, ironically enough, Boris Yeltsin’s state funeral was held in Moscow. According to interviews done with U.S. President Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin was on a state visit to Washington where, one night, he was found on Pennsylvania Avenue, drunk, in his underwear, trying to hail a cab in order to get a pizza. Is that true? ‘Absolutly!’

If your birthday is April 25th, you share it with the above-mentioned Lord Protector of England, Oliver Cromwell who was born on this day in 1599. When he died, he was buried in Westminster Abbey. After the Royalists returned to power, they dug up his corpse, hung him in chains, and beheaded him. Alright, already! We get the point!

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