Today in Hystery May 13th

On this day in 1568, Mary Queen of Scots and her army was defeated by the English army at the Battle of Langside. Why couldn’t the Scots defeat the English? I mean first of all, when they started up the bagpipes, you’d think that would get the Brits running the other way, or when the Scots tossed their cabers at them, which is like getting hit by a shower of telephone poles, but especially when the Scots started belting out “Donald, Where’s Yer Troosers?”

On this day in 1637, Cardinal Richelieu of France created the table knife, that is, a knife with a rounded end. This was quite necessary in the French court in those days when anyone who disliked the chef’s Daily Surprise could take their pointy steak knives and stab the chef to death. With the dinner knife, you could only kill the chef after many hours of sawing away at his neck. By then the chef would have escaped out the back door.

On this day in 1787, British Captain Arthur Phillip set sail with 11 ships full of British criminals, taking them to Botany Bay in Australia, and this is how the population of Australia got started, using criminals whose descendants became upstanding politicians of modern Australia. This is different from Canada where upstanding British citizens arrived in the country and their descendants got elected and became criminals.

On this day in 1916, the 42nd Kentucky Derby was won by Johnny Loftus who crossed the finish line first on the back of George Smith. This caused the organizers to say that from then on, they would start using horses.

On this day in 1965, the Rolling Stones recorded their hit song “Satisfaction” which is still played regularly every week as the opening dance on Friday night at Corn on the Cob Night at the Assisted Living Residence. Corn on the Cob Night is when everyone swaps teeth and sees who can eat the most corn.

On this day in 1978, daredevil driver Joie Chitwood set a new world record by driving a Chevette 5.6 miles on just 2 wheels, or as we used to call it back in high school, leaving the school parking lot.

If your birthday is May 13th, you share it with rock star Richie Valens who was born on this day in 1941. He died in a plane crash along with Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper. Somewhere up there Richie is saying, “Remember this kids, if a rock star inviotes you to fly with him in a plane, just say Go Greyhound and leave the driving to them!”

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