Only 15 Days ’til the World Ends

Better get a copy of Bob Robertson’s book “Mayan Horror:How to Survive the End of the World in 2012″

Here’s what you’re missing…

“The Mayans had a whole bunch of calendars, but the one that concerns us is the calendar the Mayans called “The Long Count Calendar”, a calendar that was designed to go for thousands of years. So the question we are all asking ourselves right now is, “Why does this calendar stop at 11:11am Universal Time on December 21st, 2012?” Nobody really knows the answer, but I have a theory; burn out. The guy who chiseled the calendar just got fed up. The chiseler, let’s call him Mictxecacihuatxl, was chiseling away on his rock when he just said, “Screw this noise! Do they have any idea how long it takes to chisel 10 thousand years worth of dates? And they’re only paying me 20 beans a month and all the chimichangas I can eat! Forget it! Maybe it’s time to open that dance studio I’ve fantasized about.” And the chiseler downed tools just after chiseling “12/21/2012” and went off to open “Mictxecacihuatxl’s School of Mexican Hat and Chicken Dancing”. You may think that sounds like an odd way to condemn the world to ruin, but nobody else seems to have any better ideas as to why the Mayan Calendar stops on December 21st.

One more important thing about the Mayans is that they weren’t a monotheistic society, which, for you those of you who didn’t get past grade 6, means the Mayans didn’t believe there was just one god. The Mayans were a polytheistic society that worshipped all sorts of gods. There was Cizin, the god of death, Chac, the god of rain, Yum Kaax, the god of corn. The list is endless, you’ve got Discoxxatil, the god of dancing, Xtramunchiz, the god of late night snacks, Maaloxx, the god of upset stomachs, and who could forget Inebriatoxixil, the god of drunks. You get the point, for everything in ancient Mayan society there was a god you prayed to for more corn, less rain, no hangovers or plenty of chips and salsa. This just reinforces the point that this will not be the Christian God’s Armageddon because in order to make it a godly event, all 1300 of the Mayan gods would have to have gathered together and tried to get an agreement to wipe out the earth. Impossible. I know for example that Shitzaputzl, the god of profanity would never go along with it. No, we’ll have to leave it as a mystery as to why the world will end just because the Mayan Calendar runs out, but I’m very fond of the exhausted chiseler theory.”

Mayan Horror is available everywhere books are sold and online at all the usual book sellers. Hurry. Failure to purchase might result in death.

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