Only 12 Days ’til the World Ends

Better get a copy of Bob Robertson’s book “Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012.

Here’s what you’re missing…

“First, no matter what age the children are, all parents must stop using that dumb expression, “Now, now. Stop crying. It’s not the end of the world.” Yes it is, so find another reason for your child to stop crying. How about, “Now, now. Stop crying. 40 year olds are not supposed to be living with their parents.” The best way to tackle the sensitive topic of explaining to your children that human life is about to come to a horrible end is to divide the explanations into age groupings because the approach used will differ based on the age and education level of the child. Some children, for example, are only capable of speaking in monosyllables, such as 15-year-old boys. So let’s start with explaining to toddlers about the end of the world. To define a toddler I’m going to use the Hardy-Laurel Toddling Principle that “a toddler is a human who walks with a toddling gait”, toddling being a style of walking requiring the legs to be spread apart and simply lifted and slammed down as you go forward, coming to rest when you fall headfirst into a bookshelf. Toddlers, on average, learn only by taste and pain, tasting everything from plastic toys to crusty cat excrement and then the aforementioned pain of that headfirst fall into the bookshelf. So, how to explain to your toddler that the world will be engulfed by flames or drowned or blown apart, whichever one it is, on December 21st, 2012. Well, stand down. You’re off the hook if you have a toddler. There is no way a human with a vocabulary of “Da-da”, “poo-poo”, “pee-pee”, and “good girl” can comprehend the concept of tectonic lithosphere plates being massively overlain by either or both of two types of crustal material. “Pee-pee” will be the result for all of us, of course, but really, it’s way beyond the grasp of a toddler, so relax.”

Mayan Horror is available everywhere books are sold and online at all the usual book sellers. Hurry. Failure to purchase might result in death.

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