Only 9 Days ’til the World Ends

Better get a copy of Bob Robertson’s book “Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012.

Here’s what you’re missing…

“Hell and Purgatory kept everybody walking the straight and narrow, until 1999, that is, and that fateful July day when Pope John Paul the Second, the spokesperson for God on earth, officially announced to the whole world that there was no Hell. He had caught everybody in the Afterlife completely off guard. No memos, no warnings, not even a quick phone call to somebody up there to say, “Okay guys, I’ve decided to get rid of Hell.” Officials in the Netherworld went ballistic, according to an official of the Afterlife, speaking on condition of anonymity. It’s completely understandable that they would have blown their tops over this because, while it was easy for the Pope to just say, “Okay, people, there’s no Hell anymore”, it was everybody in the Sweet Hereafter who had to carry out the orders. There were a lot of angry souls over there that had to start the massive job of dismantling Hell. No easy task. First they had to get rid of millions of instruments of torture and Hell had the best of anyone. They had miles of dungeons loaded with devices like the Pendulum, the Rack, the Breast Ripper, the Spanish Tickler, Crocodile Shears, Foot Roasters, Knee Splitters, even Water Boarding rooms. Hell was like going to the biggest and best gym in town. They had every machine a cruel torturer would ever want, way better than anything Vlad the Impaler or Dick Cheney ever had. All these torture devices had to be melted down because you couldn’t sell this stuff. You couldn’t put an ad on Craig’s List saying “One used Chair of Torture for sale, in good working condition. Includes instruction booklet personally signed by Idi Amin.”

Mayan Horror is available everywhere books are sold and online at all the usual book sellers. Hurry. Failure to purchase might result in death.

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