CULLEN ROBERTSON, NELSON

December 2, 1999 – August 26, 2015

Born in a homeless shelter to a single mother of no fixed address, Nelson Cullen Robertson had an inauspicious start to life. He was taken in by a foster family until he could walk, eat on his own and, of course, use a toilet properly, and was then put up for adoption. On January 13, 2000 Bob Robertson and Linda Cullen were looking for a baby, and he appeared to be perfect, even if he was the only baby available. Like many babies, Nelson was rambunctious. He spent countless hours racing around in circles, and then jumping into Linda’s arms and collapsing into deep sleeps. Linda remembers with fondness and not an insubstantial amount of pain, the time he jumped up and latched himself with his Ginsu nails to her backside while she was doing the dishes, and the time he jumped up and bit her in the chin when she looked into his eyes just a little too long, and the time he bit her thumb when she was combing his hair. He felt certain that he was being penalized for these infractions when they had his reproductive parts removed, however after many discussions seemed somewhat convinced that his sterilization was out of love and not punishment. He loved a lot of things; sitting with his Dad reading the paper; long pieces of string attached to his Mom who made them go; Mitzie, who came to live with him for a few years; cheese; pooping outside the box; but most especially lying on top of whoever had plunked themselves on the couch for a nap, or being draped over the LEFT shoulder. He hated being scratched anywhere other than his head, the vacuum cleaner, the sound of a newspaper being snapped open, the sound of a plastic bag being snapped open, just about anything being snapped open, and his adopted brother Winston, who he regarded as a lesser intellect and referred to him mostly as ‘The Bonehead’. He survived numerous battles; a sliced tendon; blocked penis, which he did NOT like talking about; plus several mystery infections and trips to emergency. He grew up to be an intelligent, serious sort, but despite his cleverness just couldn’t seem to get a job, due to a serious and ever increasing lazy streak. He was trained as a sock delivery specialist, and was paid in treats upon the dropping of the sock, but thanks to technology, there just isn’t much call for sock delivery guys any more. And in all his years he never did anything that was YouTube worthy, to the great disappointment of his Mother. He ruined furniture, wrecked travel plans, prevented the purchase of fresh flowers and drained the bank account. And because of all of that and so much more, is missed desperately by his Mom and Dad, who were with him right to the end. Nelson leaves behind his Mom, Linda Cullen, Dad, Bob Robertson, Gramma Ruth Cullen and ‘The Bonehead’. Nelson’s family would like to thank his personal physician Dr. Karen Zutrauen and her staff at CatCare Clinic in Richmond, BC for helping his Mom and Dad not lose their s!#t completely. No service by request. In lieu of flowers, because Winston also eats them, Nelson’s last wish was for everyone to make a donation to their favourite pet charity so that ‘nobody gets left sad and alone’. And as he also told Linda, ‘Why shouldn’t other people’s houses be as destroyed as yours?’ A celebration of life will be held by the litter boxes, where Winston will deliver a 21 Furball Salute.

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