303 days and counting until the end of the Mayan Calendar

Today’s quote from Bob Robertson’s book, “Mayan Horror: How to Survive to Survive the End of the world in 2012”

“Long before fat people were shoving candy bars into their mouths, the Mayans invented chocolate, or, as it was called back then, cacao. The name was changed to chocolate in modern times because people found they couldn’t enjoy a snack that had the word ‘caca’ in it, and yet, it’s odd isn’t it, they still happily munch on pistachios.”

“Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012” is published by Anvil Press and is available at bookstores throughout Canada and at online book sellers around the world.

309 days and counting until the end of the Mayan Calendar

Today’s quote from Bob Robertson’s book, “Mayan Horror: How to Survive to Survive the End of the world in 2012”

“The Mayans also perfected the blowgun that used poisonous darts. If you closely inspect the figures on the sides of Mayan temple walls, there is one figure that appears to be slumped on the ground with the message, “Never suck on a blowgun!” Archeologists have no idea how many blowguns the Mayans had at any one time. Unlike Canada, I’m sure the Mayans didn’t have a blowgun registry but I’ll bet every Mayan kept a blowgun under his pillow just in case there was a sneak attack by Toltecs in the middle of the night or if an Inca broke into their hut and tried to make off with their statue of Itzpzpalotl.”

“Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012” is published by Anvil Press and is available at bookstores throughout Canada and at online book sellers around the world.

311 days and counting until the end of the Mayan Calendar

Today’s quote from Bob Robertson’s book, “Mayan Horror: How to Survive to Survive the End of the world in 2012”

“And another thing that von Daniken didn’t mention in his theory of slimy little ETs teaching the Mayans how to be a super race; there’s no mention of anal probing. These days the internet and all-night radio shows are buzzing with stories of alien abductions and, in every one of the statements to police, the abductees say the only thing the aliens wanted was to stick a probe in their anus. Like you, I’m a little disappointed that advanced races of beings would travel 300 light years just to inspect human bums. Perhaps, between then and now there’s been a change of focus on alien planets, away from teaching science and math to some kind of porn fetish. Who knows, maybe they eat humans and those are not anal probes at all but merely meat thermometers sticking out of the abductee’s back passage.”

“Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012” is published by Anvil Press and is available at bookstores throughout Canada and at online book sellers around the world.

320 days and counting until the end of the Mayan Calendar

Today’s quote from Bob Robertson’s book, “Mayan Horror: How to Survive to Survive the End of the world in 2012”

“One theory on why the Mayans were such geniuses came from a Swiss writer named Erich von Daniken who wrote a book called “Chariots of the Gods” where he claimed that all these super races got to be that smart because aliens came down to earth in flying saucers and taught them things like math and astronomy. Remember that book? Those were the 70s, when people were easily sucked into believing all sorts of loony things, like flying saucers landing on earth, or that little rocks could actually be pets. I have a serious problem with von Daniken’s theory because if the tiny bug-eyed spacemen taught all these super races things like astronomy and mathematics, why did they stop there? Why couldn’t they have taught humans other important things like the difference between “All you can eat” and “All you should eat”?”

“Mayan Horror: How to Survive the End of the World in 2012” is published by Anvil Press and is available at bookstores throughout Canada and at online book sellers around the world.

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